Amestris' Got Talent
by 15x6x4-ever
Summary: "Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome, to this first ever edition of Amestris' Got Talent! My name is Maes Hughes and I'll be your host for the night..." Let the show begin! Talentshow!Crack. Hints of Edvy.


_Disclaimer : I don't own nuthin'. No fma and definitely no Got Talents. I'm just using some of the formatting and characters for fic-writing purposes. This disclaimer counts for the whole fic 'cause I'm lazy like that._

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**Chapter 1 : It begins…**

The lights went on in Central Headquarters' largest debriefing hall then dimmed again, only a few spotlights that were centered on a makeshift stage remaining alight. Surrounding the stage one could just make out a few hundred seats, all of them occupied with people who had come from all over Amestris to see the show.

Suddenly a man clad in the blue uniform of the state military came walking onto the stage. He tapped his mike a few times and, satisfied that everything was in working order, began to speak. "Ladies and Gentleman!" He boomed. "Welcome, to the first edition of Amestris' got talent!" A round of applause went up. "

My name is Maes Hughes and I'll be your host for tonight!" The man bowed with a flourish and waited a bit for the applause to die down. "Now, let's get started then shall we?"

"First, let me introduce to you our amazing judges!" Maes gestured to a small table in front of the audience. At the table sat two women, their backs facing the crowd, and an empty seat in their midst.

"On the left, she was so gracious as to take a break from her busy job as the Fuhrer's secretary for this, please give a warm welcome to JULIET DOUGLAS!"

The crowd cheered as Juliet waved lazily at the people from her place at the table, one of the spots briefly lighting up her almost bored visage.

"Then, on the right! All the way from Risembool! You don't want to mess with this old lady! Put your hands together for DR. PINAKOOO ROCKBELL!"

Pinako blew out a puff of smoke as she turned towards the audience and received the applause with a regal nod and a crooked smile.

Maes straightened, looking serious, and waited for things to quiet down again before continuing.

"And now, the moment you've all been waiting for! The announcement of this year's third and mystery judge! Drumrolls please!"

A few people halfheartedly stamped their feet but they soon got bored and quit.

Maes frowned unhappily. "I said," He began darkly, a demonic shadow falling over his face. "Drumrolls please." Waves of visible darkness rolled from where he was standing and a few people fainted on the spot when they saw the red glint in his eyes.

Those in the crowd still conscious hurried to comply with the crazed looking man's demand and soon the frantic roar of a few hundred feet could be heard.

"Thank you." Maes smiled and the darkness retreated to great relief of the public. "Now then, give it up for your mystery judge : the wonderful, the amazing, the superb, the beautiful, smart and incredibly cute...ELICIA!"

Maes started cheering loudly, pulling a camera out of nowhere and snapping thousands of pictures as a rotating platform rose from under the stage. Confetti came raining down from the ceiling and small fireworks went off in the background. The large screen on the back wall and several smaller ones throughout the hall all lit up showing a close up of a young girl, about five years old, in a pink tutu waving cheerfully at the crowd.

As soon as they realized what was going on those who knew Maes immediately started clapping along, standing up and yelling praises. Roses were thrown at the stage by several members of Central's T&I division that Maes had stationed there for exactly that purpose.

The rest of the stupefied audience quickly caught on and followed suit, helped along a bit by a red-eyed glare from their host.

Elicia remained completely oblivious to her daddy's influence on the crowd, waving happily and clumsily attempting a bow which had Maes falling all over himself in an attempt to record it.

*Backstage*

The contestants watched open mouthed as Elicia took the stage. The wooden boards of the makeshift stage trembled beneath their feet from the roar of the crowd and a few even fell over because of the vibrations.

"...seriously?" Edward Elric, the esteemed fullmetal alchemist and participant number three finally managed after a good minute of gaping.

"I'm afraid so." Colonel Roy Mustang , a fellow participant replied, shaking his head sadly.

"No, but, really?" Ed asked, unable to tear his eyes away from the screen where Elicia was now doing a little dance on her rotating platform.

"It was this or have her compete." Mustang said, wincing at a particularly loud cheer from Maes.

"And that would have been worse how?" Disbelief colored Ed's words.

Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, who had come to stand by her superior's shoulder ,was the one who answered this time. "Imagine what would have happened if she lost."

Everyone took a minute to let that sink in, staring at the screen and the image of a teary eyed Maes Hughes hugging his daughter.

Ed swallowed loudly. "I-I see." He said. "Good call."

Riza nodded gravely. "We know."

And with that they all turned back to the display, trepidation thick in the air.

*ten minutes later on the big stage*

Elicia finally took her place at the judges table and the applause slowly-with lots of hesitant looks at Hughes- died out. Hughes for his part was positively beaming. He had at least a whole photo book's worth of new pictures and he couldn't be happier.

Thinking it was time to get back to business now, he cleared his throat and grabbed his mike.

"Well then, now that that's over with it is time for me to explain the rules."

He pointed at the screens that hung at even intervals throughout the hall which before had contained Elicia's close ups. Now the top half of all showed the empty stage, whilst the bottom half displayed three empty squares with each of the judges' names.

"As you can see there are three empty squares. During a contestant's performance the judges have the option to press one of two buttons. An O button, which means that contestant gets a pass, and an X button which means they fail. Contestants require a minimum of two O's before they're allowed to the next round."

Hughes looked around to see if everyone understood. "Well then it's time for our first contestant! Everyone please welcome Alhonse Elric and his companion MISTEEEEEER SKITTLES!"

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**An/:** Aaand a crack fic was born XD This is now gonna be my side-project for when I don't feel like writing my serious fics or am just terribly bored (at work). T

Hope you guys enjoyed and please let me know whether you think I should continue posting this :)

Till next time! (on Amestris' Got Talent)

xXx~~Mai1564


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